March 8, 2011

Comparing

A friend recently posted a list of mommy confessions -a list of all the ways she feels like she doesn't measure up. It reminds me of the years I spend in a similar state of mind - sure that I was the only mom in my church who ever _______. Everyone else was surely better than me at keeping home, raising children and being pleasant. I was quick to put on the happy face any time we were out in public. I'm sure no one knew anything of the storm raging under the surface. But it was raging. I hated that I couldn't measure up.
Until I came to a point where I began to realize there was no measuring up. Are other moms better at not losing their temp? Probably. Are other moms better at staying on schedule or keeping their house clean? I'm sure of it! But who's standard was I trying to live up to anyway? Martha Stewart? (I'm sorry, Martha, I love you but you run way too tight of a ship for me.) Ma Ingalls? Who exactly? Where is the standard written? Where is the "normal" mom explained?
I don't want to live up to the standard of some pretty lady on television or the perfect church mom. The tv lady has lots of helpers. The perfect church mom? For all you know, shes crying herself to sleep at night because she's so tired of trying to hold it all together.
Why we do moms keep it all hidden? Doesn't the Bible say to confess our sins, one to another? How will we know how to pray for one another if we don't admit to our struggles and shortcomings? I may not be great at it yet but I'm trying to be transparent, to let the daily struggles show. If you don't see the struggles, you don't see my desperate need for grace and mercy every day.
We can't judge one another based on what we read on blogs or Facebook. Its not reality. Reality is your life. The more you worry about how other people are living their life, the less you're going to worry about who you're living your life for. I'm not living my life so I can measure up or be the cool mom. I'm living my life so other can see that God can save a sinning wretch with His unending grace.
I just want to be able to end each day and pray, ask the Lord for forgiveness and trust that His mercies will be new in the morning. I want to begin each day, knowing that I'm going to try and mess up and try again because that's all my God asks -that I trust Him and keep trying. And HE is who I'm living for, HIS standard is the one that matters.
I want to be humble enough to know that no matter how hard I try, I won't have it all together. Will I try to be better, to love more, to serve selflessly, to be a good wife, mother, steward of all I've been given? Of course. But when I fail -and I will - I won't look to the moms who've got it all or the tv lady, I'll look to Jesus. For mercy, for forgiveness and for grace to try one more time that He gives so willingly.

3 comments:

  1. I'm not a mom, obviously, but this is great Jack. Really great!

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  2. Thanks Jackie - and no, it did not come across as critical....just as a reminder that I very much need most of the time. :) Actually, I will be starting a book with a lady from my church soon to help me with some of this...it is called Search for Significance...hopefully it will work out great. :)

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  3. This is SO great. Thanks, Jackie. I knew I picked a good friend in you. ;)

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