January 11, 2013

Perfect

I was trying to remember yesterday when I stopped trying to be perfect. Well really, when I stopped trying to pretend I was perfect.

I know how imperfect I am.
I know how desperately I need the grace of God.
I know that I desperately need His help and presence in my daily life.

For the longest time, I just didn't want anyone else to know.

Isn't that just the most foolish thing for a Christian to think?? If we know that we need Jesus to live with us daily, why would we want to hide the faults that make Him necessary? It's ridiculous to me, looking back.

Listening to this song is what started to break the shell, I think.

Perfection has a price
But I could not afford to live that life,
It always end the same.
A fight I'll never win.


When I talk to people about life and being a mom, I want to clearly convey that I need Jesus because without Him - I am a horrible mess. I don't want to convey anything about clean houses, nice menus or chore charts. That may come up, but I pray that the spirit behind it is the grace of God and how He gets me through.

I'm reading this book and really finding freedom in hearing the reminders in it. We all need Jesus. I'm not the only one who struggles with self-control, anger and finding joy in the everyday routines. War veterans find comfort in talking to other vets, hearing their struggles and sharing their burden in a way that a non-veteran cannot.

We are in the trenches, moms.

It's hard. We are raising the next generation of world changers. Let's not be embarrassed or afraid to say I'm struggling with anger. I'm sad and weary. I need more of Jesus and don't know where to start. It's okay to admit we are weak. That's when He is strong. It's okay to need help.

I'll start, okay?

I am so tired.
I feel like a failure most days.
I lose my temper too easily.
I eat salty things when I'm frustrated.
My bedroom & bathroom are really messy. I close my bedroom door when people come over so they can't see how bad it is.
I struggle with comparing myself to others and coming up short. Very short.

Jesus can and does still redeem my mess. That is my hope and the promise I cling to for my daughters. That He can use this foolish thing to shame the wise. That they would see Jesus in my mess.

but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong 1 Cor 1:27

Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior. Psalm 38:22

{Okay, real time confession -- I just locked myself in the bathroom to finish this post. My oldest is feeling sick and the baby is engaging in all out war, trying to get ahold of her sisters' American Girl dolls. There are still breakfast dishes all over the counter and doll clothes all over the living room floor. I have a list as long as my arm of errands to run and I have no idea how I'm going to get to all of it without my oldest available to help me.}

4 comments:

  1. Thanks, Jackie. I could have written that list of struggles,too. As much as I try to be transparent, it can really be easy to fall into the trap of making things seem a little bit better than they actually are. I try to remind myself that even on our best days (or anyone else's best days) our righteousness, in and of ourselves, is filthy rags. The best that anyone can do is still in need of redemption, and trying harder for the sake of being "not as bad" is pointless. Somehow, though, I'm not as easily convinced as I should be. I am thankful, though, that even this weakness is covered by grace.

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  2. I agree with Lori - we all need to be much more transparent and we all need Jesus. Thanks for always being so open...good to know that one of the moms from afar that I look up to (ie:you) struggles just like me :) I love you friend!

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  3. Jackie this is so good! I love this part:

    "We are in the trenches, moms. It's hard. We are raising the next generation of world changers. Let's not be embarrassed or afraid to say I'm struggling with anger. I'm sad and weary. I need more of Jesus and don't know where to start."

    I have never thought of it that way! But so true. Trench work is hard. And we need Jesus - and we need each other in the battle of the every day raising world changers!

    I am right there with you, hiding in the bathroom, while they stick their sweet fingers under the door wondering what I' doing :)

    Thanks for linking up today!

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