When He works on the left hand, I cannot behold Him; When He turns to the right hand, I cannot see Him . But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold. (Job 23:9, 10 NKJV)

I never thought building a house would be such a soul searching endeavor. Maybe it's the exhaustion or the constant list of things to do, but I find myself regularly asking the Lord for more help.

Things have been stripped away. Some by choice. Some not.

Friendships have been thinned. Casual acquaintances have become even more casual. Facebook has been deleted. I constantly feel horrible that I don't have time to invest in people that I want to invest in. My few good friends call every few days to make sure I haven't completely lost my mind. Menus are filled with the basics. School work is the basics, with constant reminders that we will be catching up in January. It's a busy, busy season. There is just no other way to explain it.

I am trying to turn to the Lord, every time I feel like too many things are being burnt away. Even though it's hard and exhausting, I know I shall come forth as gold. Not only that but we will have a new house to enjoy as a family that is closer and strong than ever.

This song is regularly found on repeat on my iPod. Audrey Assad is one of my favorite artists. Here are the lyrics:

You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in a battle
Put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die

Set me like a star before the morning
Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me
But for now just let me be

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me


  1. I feel like I was just over for a visit at your kitchen table. hearts poured out, bleeding raw love.

    (and I melted when you shared Audrey's Audrey Assad!)

    Oh that refiner's fire hurts! So glad you see the gold being created through it all, Jackie.

    Hugs to you!!!

  2. So glad to hear an update from you...I miss our facebook contact, but totally understand. It brings joy to my heart to hear that God is doing awesome things in you and thru you. Keep seeking Him friend! Sending a long distance hug your way...and long distance encouragement :)

  3. totally get the 'stripped away part' and I'm finding it can be good! Miss you on FB but also value why you did it. Has me thinking more about our contact with each other ( and others) and how easy it is to be just surface with no depth. I want the gold.

  4. I can also understand the need for closer contact. I closed my Facebook down last winter. I opened my account back up in April after deleting almost all of my "friends". I decided that if I wasn't more than just an acquaintance they had to go.

    I want real relationship with people and want to be honest with my struggles. Lets face it life is hard sometimes. Why pretend like everything is fine--when it is not!

    I am trying so very hard to prioritize and make time/keep time for the most important things in life. I, like so many others I've noticed, have slipped into the 'just living life' mode. It is easy to do--and not so easy to come out of.

    Let's pray for one another!


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