What comes to mind when you hear the term strong-willed? I think It tends to have a pretty negative connotation. Hard to handle. Sassy. Stubborn. Disobedient. Bossy.
I've realized over the years that strong-willed girls are even more troublesome. Most can look at a strong willed little boy and see leadership potential. But a bossy, stubborn strong-willed girl?
t r o u b l e.
Good luck with her when she's a teenager!
Better get a handle on that girl, she is too wild.
You need to train that will out of her!
{Don't get me wrong - even the strongest willed child needs teaching and shaping. Every child needs to understand and learn how to function as a respectful member of society and that starts in the home. I am in no way saying that strong-willed children shouldn't be taught how to listen to and respect their authority figures - parents, teachers, bosses, and so on.}
I have grown to realize that by trying to turn our children into something they are not, we are trying to take away something God put in them. I spent years (years) believing that I was an awful parent because my strong-willed child asked too many questions, fought against my authority, and argued about even the most mundane things. I was trying to fit her into a box that I believed all little girls should fit into. Quiet, calm, peaceful, sweetly playing with dolls, and helping me bake. Instead, she was directing her sister in all sorts of crazy antics, getting dirty, and always talking, asking questions, pushing the limits of every boundary we set in place.
It was when I realized that it wasn't just a sin nature that was causing us so much grief (although it certainly helped!), it was that strong-willed nature trying to figure out how to lead. And it was my job to help her shape that strong will as she learned boundaries are important, that there will almost always be rules she has to follow, and that there is a wrong way to insert that iron will into situations. I stopped trying to get the soft, gentle compliance that I was striving for and tried to take time to answer the questions, give choices when possible, and create areas where that will could try to lead the way. I tried to stop seeing every challenge as an insult to my parental authority and instead see it as a leader's young mind trying to figure out the why and how and what's next. I couldn't (and still can't) always give the right answer or enough information to satisfy. But I try.
Why?
Because strong-willed, strong-minded daughters are leaders in the making, just like their male counterparts. Small things like deciding what clothes she will wear (within reason), directing me home from the store, creating projects and crafts, starting little businesses with friends - it all teaches them that they are capable of leading and that their decisions matter. If there is ever a time in history that our society needs strong-willed and capable women that love Jesus, I believe it's now.
As Christians, we are called to be in the world but not of it; to be shining stars. Our daughters are to be pillars. To be those things, it is crucial that young Christian women have a strong will and a strong mind. They will need to be able to stand against the pull of society, the influence of peers, and their own insecurities. What better way to equip them than by teaching them that God created them with a strong heart, a strong mind, and a strong will?
I'm not sure when strong-willed became a bad thing for girls. As my strong-willed daughters have grown and I have seen how that will has developed, it grieves me to think of the years we lost when I was trying to get them to fit into a box. If each person was uniquely created, why do we try to make all children behave in the same way? Let's try to prayerfully consider what God has created in the hearts and minds of our young ones. Let's help our daughters become who God has called them to be, not what we think they should be.
I've realized over the years that strong-willed girls are even more troublesome. Most can look at a strong willed little boy and see leadership potential. But a bossy, stubborn strong-willed girl?
t r o u b l e.
Good luck with her when she's a teenager!
Better get a handle on that girl, she is too wild.
You need to train that will out of her!
{Don't get me wrong - even the strongest willed child needs teaching and shaping. Every child needs to understand and learn how to function as a respectful member of society and that starts in the home. I am in no way saying that strong-willed children shouldn't be taught how to listen to and respect their authority figures - parents, teachers, bosses, and so on.}
I have grown to realize that by trying to turn our children into something they are not, we are trying to take away something God put in them. I spent years (years) believing that I was an awful parent because my strong-willed child asked too many questions, fought against my authority, and argued about even the most mundane things. I was trying to fit her into a box that I believed all little girls should fit into. Quiet, calm, peaceful, sweetly playing with dolls, and helping me bake. Instead, she was directing her sister in all sorts of crazy antics, getting dirty, and always talking, asking questions, pushing the limits of every boundary we set in place.
It was when I realized that it wasn't just a sin nature that was causing us so much grief (although it certainly helped!), it was that strong-willed nature trying to figure out how to lead. And it was my job to help her shape that strong will as she learned boundaries are important, that there will almost always be rules she has to follow, and that there is a wrong way to insert that iron will into situations. I stopped trying to get the soft, gentle compliance that I was striving for and tried to take time to answer the questions, give choices when possible, and create areas where that will could try to lead the way. I tried to stop seeing every challenge as an insult to my parental authority and instead see it as a leader's young mind trying to figure out the why and how and what's next. I couldn't (and still can't) always give the right answer or enough information to satisfy. But I try.
Why?
Because strong-willed, strong-minded daughters are leaders in the making, just like their male counterparts. Small things like deciding what clothes she will wear (within reason), directing me home from the store, creating projects and crafts, starting little businesses with friends - it all teaches them that they are capable of leading and that their decisions matter. If there is ever a time in history that our society needs strong-willed and capable women that love Jesus, I believe it's now.
As Christians, we are called to be in the world but not of it; to be shining stars. Our daughters are to be pillars. To be those things, it is crucial that young Christian women have a strong will and a strong mind. They will need to be able to stand against the pull of society, the influence of peers, and their own insecurities. What better way to equip them than by teaching them that God created them with a strong heart, a strong mind, and a strong will?
I'm not sure when strong-willed became a bad thing for girls. As my strong-willed daughters have grown and I have seen how that will has developed, it grieves me to think of the years we lost when I was trying to get them to fit into a box. If each person was uniquely created, why do we try to make all children behave in the same way? Let's try to prayerfully consider what God has created in the hearts and minds of our young ones. Let's help our daughters become who God has called them to be, not what we think they should be.
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